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a_memory_of_your_future
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Name: Tiffany
Gender: Female
Interests: im in the band..i sing....do drama... love my youth groupS
Expertise: hmmm............
Occupation: i work @ Duffy's Deli... but t
Message: message me
AIM:  TheJenkins07
Member Since:
6/7/2006
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| | so yeah.... | i find life hard right now. everyday has somehow become a challenge. I wake up in the mornings and wish i could not. I walk through the day and wish i wasnt. I smile and it seems forced. few moments give me any pleasure and the ones that do are a very small comfort. i sit each moment on the verge of tears, every little thing sets me off. i sit with people that i once considered my friends and dream up some kind of conspiracy that must be going on. There is always something that is waiting, just around the corner to mess me up. I feel lonely and abandond and somehow detatched. i have strange feeling of incompleteness that somehow only seems to grow. I have this odd sensation that im missing something. Like somehow things arent right. I feel as if im the only person in the world, at the same moment i walk into a room of 300 people. I stare into the faces of people and wonder what it is that allows them to live..what makes them get up in the morning? what is it that they have that i cant seem to find? I wonder what is it that makes their grass so much greener. i find solace in nothing and find no place to rest. my mind is tired and yet it keeps racing. My emotions are hopeless and yet i still feel. nothing good but i feel nonetheless There is a sort of empty gap resting in my heart and an ache that finds nothing fulfilling. i look back on my years and wonder what has brought me to this point....where will i go next? something occured to me the other day.... people constantly ask me "what's wrong?" when there is absolutley nothing wrong and in years past those words were never spoken to my face. I as told that even when i smile now i still look sad, even when i laugh, i look as though i might cry. and when at times i feel a spark of joy.... it lasts but for one moment.... and i find it hard to keep. i know there are a few of you out there that really do love me, and more that would swear they did. a number even greater than that however, find very little emotion for me, granted at some point you may have but i know that you want me for what you can get out of me, which at this point, good luck ive run out of anything to give, to all of you i do now or ever consider my friends, i gave you my all, and forgot to leave anything for myself, and now that you all have moved on to bigger, better things i have nothing left to run on. i have nothing left to rebuild with. im not sure where any of this came from, or where it got set into play... but here it is, and where it goes is for now unknown. I'm drained, as for now ill find a short peace in my pillow, far into the depths of dreamland where answers arent so very far off, and good things do happen, at least once in a while to ordinary people..... ::P.S.:: to those of you who know what this means... do you find it ironic that this is happening while we are doing "Pippin"? |
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| no day like today so today was my grandfathers funeral.... and it really wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. actually, i think im ok. im not devestated for now. im only really sad when i think of the future that he wont be in or the past that ill never have back. but looking back on the years, i wouldnt change them for one more minute with him. those years are what made him so great. i looked at all the picture and i realized that my grandfather was happy as he was young, and when he ws married, but it seemed to me that he was happiest when he was around his grandchildren. that man lived for his family and his hounds. a master carpenter and a wonderful man. I feel most orry not for him , or me or his family, but really for those of you that werent lucky enough to ever meet him. a little sunshine in the midst of a hurricane. so today we came to my grandmothers. We had to find pictures for the slide show for the funeral, as well as for display. so we are looking through pictures of my grandfather. OK well 61 years, a marriage, 2 kids and 4 grandkids breeds a TON of pictures. so we sat around looking at all of these pictures and you know, that really helped. my grandfather was a VERY handsome man. we saw these pictures and it was amazing how it helped me feel so much better. I always thought my Pop was a very attractive man...but really.... it's awesome. To see my Grandfather grow up, as a child, as a teenager, married, a father, and THEN a grandfather, the pictures of him as a young army man a private, and all the way up to a Sargent Major. My Pop has more awards, plaques, certificates, and medals than ANYone. He went through Korea, Vietnam, and God only knows what else, 28 years in the Army means alot of respect. hes amazing. The very best thing about Pop is that he was mine. Through all i went through he loved me and he stuck up for me he was everything. I love him so and all that he was in all the years that he had before me, he was first, at least to me, my Pop. so Rest in peace Pop. you will not only be remembered, but loved and honored. ~Tiffany | | |
| As of this morning my Grandfather was pronounced brain dead. All that was keeping him alive were machines. After an emergency call last night, amazing (yet well controlled) speeding by Blair, speeds of above 95 from my dad and a whole lot of waiting, We spent the night in the hospital. waiting, as it seemed, for nothing. They ran tests and he sat in the neuro ICU they ran tests for brain activity and found none. He had been unconcious as of Friday morning. We talked to the organ donor people and they have permission to take anything they want. From his liver to his eyeballs, to his bones. We all said our goodbyes. and somehow i have a pece about this. Maybe it was the fact that i could say goodbye, maybe it was that this wasnt the first time id lost anyone. Im calm. It helped alot that my cousins were there. and Blair, shes amazing, she might not have BEEN THERE but she was still there. So here is to the greatest man i ever knew. Today there is celebration in the heavens for a true angel has returned. You could never ask for more. My Pop, my love, my life saver. If only all the world could have met such a man. He was fair, and honest, loving yet strict, understanding, yet taditional, he was everything and more. Funny and full of life. Handsome, oh was he handsome. I promised him that i wouldnt have any man i didnt think he would approve of, so gentlemen watch out, he is a tough act to follow! I love you and ill miss you but i know that you wait for me, and until that day youll watch over me, just as you have before. my protector. I will keep my promises to you. and keep my head high, as you told me time and again. If for no other reason i have to be proud, i am proud that I was granted the oppurtunity to be your Granddaughter. I love you and you will touch every aspect of my life. keep me safe. i love you and i miss you. ~♥~Tiffany Jenkins | | |
| morning... my grandfather was life-flighted to the hospital in Birmingham. He had a hemorage in his brain. to relieve the pressure they did surgery, in the middle of it he had a stroke. They stopped the surgery but he wasnt doing ok.... as it was he had a 15% chance of living and so they tried surgery again, he had an even less chance of making it out of surgery. well he did and as far as i know is stable...as stable as you can be. He is in Neuro ICU at Carraway in Birmingham. as far as the next few days we are living on hjope. the next 48-72 hours will tell. he has been unconcious all day and is still under the medicine from surgery. ill keep you guys updated.... please pray for him and for me. to lose him would really be too much. That would make my 2 favorite people in the world gone and within 1 month. Im not strong enough. .....any prayer or thought is appreciated! thanks guys i love you all! ~♥~Jenkins | | |
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I got the greatest form of flattery today. So im at work and this guy comes in. A guy that comes in pretty often..like at least once a week. Well... im his waitress and I believe it was the first time. well he starts talking to me and we're pretty dead so im talking to him well next thing iknow we've been talking for like half an hour. well he starts talking about how he "noticed" me the first time he ever came in. so he came back. *that in itself made me feel pretty special
* well then hes saying how the next time he came in he saw me smile
...and it spun him for a loop, took him by surprise andthrew him off. he said basically that for the rest of the day he was love-struck. Even one of his guys from the gym (yeah thats right.. big muscles) noticed that he seemed a little out of it. and he said that i pretty much just have stuck to his mind. WELL... i was flattered!..of course and pretty soon we've been talking for like 3 hours! (i said we were dead..like 3 customers!) i could tell that he didnt want to leave but he had to get ready for work. well after he leaves..about 5 mins later the phone rings and its for me! .... well its him and...............HE ASKED ME OUT! 
ell im not sure i will but it was still nice to be offered right? so ladies...and i guess guys... Never frown.. even if you're sad. BEcause you never know who's falling in love with your smile! 
